MOON AS MAPMAKER: EXPLORING YOUR INNER LANDSCAPE WITHOUT FEAR
Originally published in Llewellyn's 2005 Moon Sign Book.
This article explores the process/struggle of moving beyond your mind/ego to discover and enlist the guidance of your inner resources. "Moon as Mapmaker" is the journey/process of exploring your inner landscape by finding your own way and finding your own answers to the questions of: How do you take that first step away from what you have known toward what you want but is still unknown? How do you leave the safety of your everyday life for chaos and nothing to replace it? How can you keep yourself from getting lost in a hopeless spiral of fear? How can you find answers to a life purpose that has yet to be defined? My hope is that at the end of this process, you will realize you are so much more than your conscious mind. Your inner self contains allies, wisdom, vulnerabilities, and talents. Your quest is to go inside and find them.
Learning to navigate your lunar terrain is a choice. The Moon in astrology represents unconscious habits, behaviors, and associations. It describes our dependencies, insecurities, and early experiences. It ascribes emotional responses and values to the experiences of our life through its own unique lens. This emotional lens, created in early childhood, affects how we view the circumstances of our life and how we attach personal significance to them. If we do not explore the contents within this lens, we will continue to view the world as we did when we were children. The challenge of discovering our intrinsic expression of the Moon is to gain emotional maturity and wisdom while preserving the wonder and curiosity of the child. It is my hope that the experiences you gain will expand your sense of self and your possibilities, no matter what house or sign your Moon is in, and no matter how badly afflicted you believe your natal Moon sign to be.
I use the term "map making" in this article to describe the method of creating a visual and intellectual diagram or image of the information gathered from your emotional self. Your emotional self primarily communicates and stores information through symbols so it is important for you to find a comfortable way to record them. Once they are recorded, you can begin to unravel the connection between your thoughts and feelings.
So Let's Begin.
Just as light casts a shadow, I believe our conscious dreams, goals, and desires also cast their own shadows. I call them our "shadow dreams." Shadow dreams are the unconscious habits, beliefs, desires, and behaviors we have in relation to our preferred outcome. They are important because they hold energy and operate side by side with our conscious goals. When our dreams are in sync with what we consciously want, we don't notice their existence, but when they are out of alignment, things don't always go as planned. We can feel literally split in two by "thinking" we should want or do something and "feeling" otherwise. Sometimes this split in consciousness creates a pleasant surprise, a chance encounter that changes the focus of our lives and opens us up to new opportunities we previously could not imagine. Other times however, this split is experienced as a sense of loss, leaving us with the feeling we are alienated from our dreams while years of life go by. If you have done your affirmations, written out your goal, and tried to make it happen physically and/or intellectually, but nothing seems to be manifesting, there is a good chance you have a shadow dream operating in another direction. Maybe you have held on to your dream but are afraid or unsure what to do with it, or maybe you do not know what you want, and only that you are dissatisfied with where you are. Either way, displeasure absorbs energy and creates disparaging thoughts that further affect your ability to move in another direction or to move at all. Again, turning inward and looking at the desires of our shadow dream will give us clues.
We live in a culture that can over simplify the process of self- actualization by connecting success to material possessions. Think of all the images we are bombarded with every day in television, movies, music, magazines, and advertising. Our emotional selves absorb these images because images are the language of the emotions. Even if our conscious minds dispel these images as false, we are still affected by them unconsciously. Our shadow dreams contain these artificially created ideals and our presumptions of how we measure up to them.
It started in childhood, when we were influenced by the fairy tales and stories we were told. Our responses to them offer some clues as to what we believe is possible for us in our lives and what we must do to obtain it. In American stories, customarily, a treasure (possessions) is won by the hero/heroine at the end of the story. The wicked are typically punished and/or killed, while the wholesome characters live happily ever after. The story ends at the time the prince and princess characters reach adulthood. They have peaked, no more problems, no more strife. The villains are often old (past eighteen), and not beautiful (something other than blonde, fair skinned, and thin) people. Obviously the villains did not get the happily ever after enchantment that the prince and princess did.
Imagine how different our personal stories would be if the characters and media images looked like us and lived in houses like us. In fairy tales, the princess cries until somebody saves her, and the prince obtains victory through persistence and mastery of the emotional world. These are overused models for actualizing our dreams in the world.
More importantly, what if you are not our culture's stereotypical prince- or princess-type and/or you have grown beyond the age and desires of an eighteen-year-old?
Part of the search in discovering who we are and what we want requires us to follow our own path, a path that does not exist in the world yet or at least not in its entirety. Consider your life today. What experiences brought you here? All of your experiences are linked together like an intricate maze of stepping stones, some planned, some unplanned. Each destination spurs another journey. When you cannot see the next step and/or do not like the direction your life is going, discovering the contents of your shadow dream is valuable.
Before you can gain access to the contents of your shadow dream, you first need to empty your mind of your conscious desires. Begin by describing in detail what you want to manifest in your life consciously. What are its qualities? How will you recognize it? What will your life be like when you acquire it? When do you want these changes to happen? What do you consciously believe are your obstacles in obtaining it? Do the best you can. Once you have a pretty good representation of what you consciously want, put it aside, and do not focus on it again until you have finished the next step.
Now it is time to focus on your inner self. This process of unearthing the shadow dream is the domain of the Moon. Information does not surface in an efficient, orderly manner. Remember that you will be collecting irrational, creative, nonlinear, symbolic information. Do not judge, edit, or control the content. Even though you may not understand how they relate to what you want, give yourself freedom to follow the threads. Just meander and enjoy the process of not having to rationalize anything. Here are just a few suggestions of exercises you can try to retrieve information regarding your shadow dream.
- You can create a shadow dream collage by gathering images and phrases you are drawn to intuitively. Then place the collage in an area where it can be viewed frequently and record your impressions.
- You can use intuitive tools such as tarot cards, I Ching, etc., and design your own readings that focus on the composition of your shadow dream.
- You can spend time concentrating on your nightly dreams and see what emerges.
- You can create something to represent your shadow dream by either using a skill you already have or learning a new one (dancing, woodworking, cooking, etc).
- You can write in a journal, following whatever stream of consciousness appears.
The tools you use are not important, but the atmosphere you use them in is. Pick an activity or process where your conscious mind is not in total control. Do not try to rush the process. Give yourself days/weeks to produce something tangible. Find some time to be alone and tranquil each time you start the process. Begin the process of communicating with your inner self by creating a ritual that can be repeated each time you work on your shadow dream such as; making a special beverage, lighting a candle, holding a special object, invoking guidance, meditating, and/or choosing a special time of day. Once you have generated this information, record any insights. What was your attitude when engaging in this process? Did you look forward to it? Put it off? Note how you felt. Were you: Angry? Resentful? Relaxed? Joyful? Exhausted? Why do you think so? Do you believe the messages of your shadow dream? Are these "truths" still valid?
After completing both steps, compare the two. Which process was easier and most enjoyable? Why? Is one more appealing than the other? Where do your conscious beliefs connect to hidden, unconscious assumptions? Do they support one another positively or negatively? What ideas hold the most energy for you? What thoughts and feelings are connected in such a way that makes it difficult for you to achieve your goal? Which ones make it easier to achieve your goal? Can you reconstruct negative associations between thoughts and feelings into constructive ones? What patterns emerge? What is the intent of each? Can you see the next step in your process? What will help you move forward, backward? Have your desires changed? How? What image best represents your inner self at this time? What about your outer self? Assemble these random parts of information and arrange them on a piece of paper as though you where making a map of where to go from here. Note which items are from your conscious self and which ones are from your unconscious self. Did you receive more conscious or unconscious information? What information did you chose to leave off your map? Does your map remind you of or look like anything? What surprised you? Has your sense of self changed? How? Where can you free up some energy to pursue your dreams?
Here is a brief synopsis of how I experienced the process. You can use my example to clarify parts of the process that seem vague to you and to inspire your imagination. I began my process by focusing on what I wanted to create consciously in the world. I wrote about it as succinctly as I could, but it still seemed unclear to me. I could not picture it in my mind, so I looked for images that matched my goal to create a collage. Finding images was more difficult than I expected, because I could not find ones that accurately showed "me" living my dream. As I continued to collect images, powerful emotions began surfacing. Strong fears and worries raced through my mind as I scanned pictures of women much younger or older than me. Was it too late for me and my dreams? Would I have to wait forever? I decided to set the images I collected aside, since my shadow dream seemed to be calling.
To gain access to the contents of my shadow dream, I also gathered images, but I did so instinctively. I chose things that I was drawn to not worrying if they did not make sense logically. I recorded my dreams. I used tarot cards and other intuitive tools asking for guidance and illumination about what direction I should go. Sometimes I followed an emotion, started reading a book, researched an idea, created something, "did nothing," and recorded the process while observing it. I received a symbol of my lunar map. It looks like the type of sun you would draw in grade school. It is a circle with lines radiating from it. It is a representation of my process. If I choose to use only my mind, I follow only one ray and I do not discover much about myself or about the world. However, if I move organically in a circle around myself and explore all the rays, I can connect the points of the rays and create a bigger circle and bigger sense of self. That bigger circle starts the process over but from an expanded view of life both inside and outside.
Each day as you go about your life, can you stay open to new things, listen to hidden waters, make the "map" of yourself a little bigger by stretching the areas that instinctively want to contract? Some days the voyage is lucid and smooth, other days murky and bumpy. The trick is to learn to float effortlessly on all kinds of waters, observing. Letting things wash in and out and over you. Following the flow for no particular reason, no logical explanation, and moving in directions that appear to be off course. Later when you retrace the steps of your emotional map, you may or may not understand all the pieces of your journey, but you will have a bigger image of who you are. Instead of being a small ego struggling in a big, bad world, you expand your boundaries and give yourself the space and freedom to live in this world. Once people realize they are so much more then their waking consciousness, they experience the whole world differently. Will you make yourself available for the dream to find you?
Every year when I write an article about the Moon for Llewellyn's Moon Sign Book, I start on a journey that explores another aspect of the Moon. It is an exciting and fearful process for me. I start out with a loose frame of reference, sometimes only a title, and then submerge myself deeply into the image of the Moon so I can gather the pieces as they float by, waiting to see what unfolds. Usually ideas come quickly enough, and I start exploring. Then the fear sets in and my mind locks in on a certain outcome. The flow stops. I neglect or cannot see the signs that do not support my narrow reasoning. I have made the mistake of deciding too early on what these fragments will become. The battle between my mind and emotions has begun. The increasing fixation upon a predetermined goal increases my fear, and halts the manifestation of my desired outcome. It is difficult at this point to see that I have a choice. Will I allow myself to wander and wonder in this unknown territory or will I impatiently insist that the article follow a certain idea to completion?©2003 Lisa Finander
Read a review of this book online:
Other examples of Lisa Finander's writing:
- The Empress
- Strength
- Moon As Mapmaker: Exploring Your Inner Landscape Without Fear
- Entering The Castle: An Inner Path To God And Your Soul (Review)
- For Love and Money: Creating the Work You Enjoy (Interview)
